Worries and Shitty Feelings, September 1, 2008, 6:52AM

Worries and Shitty Feelings

Current mood:worried

What, oh, what shall I do?

I try not to worry but I can't help but do so.

"We need to talk" or "I need to talk to you something" never are usually good things to hear.

Anytime someone tells me that I can't help but think something horrible is going to happen.

That's the ways it's always been in the past.

Either I was being broken up with, being told I was going to fast, someone died, or I did something horribly wrong.

I always seem to screw up all my relationships somehow.

Mostly with my friends.

I'm not really that great of a friend in my opinion.

My dad told me a couple of hours ago that I must be a real shitty friend.

It got me to thinking, I really am.

I'm too bossy and controlling.

I'm just really down at the moment.

I need to change.

I've changed this year but I don't know if it's a good change or a bad change.

I can't really even tell how I've changed except that I don't really have a life outside of school and work.

My parents just won't let me do things other than those things cause they still don't trust me.

They say I'm being shady and I'm just not acting right.

I think it's hormones.

But I've not been feeling myself lately.

I think there's something wrong with me.

Like I'm dying on the inside.

Slowly dying and I can't stop it.

I have no clue anymore.

Life is still great, but I just have all these worries also.

I'm worried about my health.

That's why I feel that I'm dying on the inside, not that I'm depressed.

Something is just not right.

I'm going to the doctor soon for a physical and I think I'm going to tell the doctor about it.

Oh well.

A month and 2 days til my 17th birthday.

Maybe my 17th year will be a great year for me.

I sure hope so.

It's my last year in high school so I'm going to acutally try to make something of myself.

Do something different.

Learn something new and exciting.

Become somebody.

Be less afraid.

Be more daring.

Actually commit to something.

Do new things.

Don't push people away.

Not ruin what I have.

Cherish the people I do have.

Have fun.

Do something without any regrets.

Thanks for being there for me.

PS.  Sorry if I've been a shitty friend to anyone who even bothers to read this.