The Past Is The Past, So Why Let It Affect My Future?
Current mood:
contemplative
contemplativeOk so yesterday, me being the dumbass I am, brought up my boyfriend's ex in a conversation.
Me, being how I am, got upset about it as well.
I don't know why, but it really upsets me to talk about ex's and such.
Especially considering the people I've dated in the past.
The thing that really upsets me about this one particular person is that she's called him.
Billy, I'm pretty sure, doesn't feel anything toward her now, but still they dated for a while.
I know I shouldn't be worried, but what if something happens?
I know I can't deal without him.
I just wish she would have never existed so I wouldn't have to worry about any of this.
She called about a month ago, right after Billy and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary.
First thing she asked him was, "Are you still with Devon?"
I'm pretty sure she was trying to get back with him because she doesn't seem like the type of person that would just call to see how he was doing.
The thing that upset me the most about all of this was that Billy waited a while before he told me that this had happened.
I'm one of those people that can forgive easily, but can't ever forget.
It's always these thoughts are always lurking the back of my mind where I keep things locked away.
The bad thing about when I lock things away, once one thing gets out I start to dwell on it and worry myself to death.
Last night was when that happened.
On our way back from Asheville we were talking about something and I asked him who he went to a concert with or something and he said Jen.
I don't know why but it bothers me SO MUCH.
Another thing that bothers me.. I've had so many firsts with Billy, I can't even begin to count how many... Yet he's had so few with me.
That shouldn't matter to me, but it really does and I don't know why.
I just wish I wouldn't feel jealous about all this cause it's ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure Billy feels nothing toward any of his ex's, but how can I be sure?
The only thing I can be sure about is how I feel.
I feel nothing for any of my ex's (except the few I reguard as best friends, nothing more) and have pretty much forgotten the relationships we had in the past.
It's as if Billy is my first REAL boyfriend, the only one I have ever truly loved.
I just don't know what to do.
I want proof that I'm the only girl he dreams of or thinks of.
This seems kind of ridiculous but I can't help but feel this way, it's just apart of my own insecurities.
I just don't want anything to happen because I don't know what I would do without Billy.
It's hard going a day without seeing him, and it's almost impossible for me to deal without talking to him for a day.
I love him with all my heart, he's the only one that's ever had all of my heart.
I just hope nothing happens between us, ever :(
Me, being how I am, got upset about it as well.
I don't know why, but it really upsets me to talk about ex's and such.
Especially considering the people I've dated in the past.
The thing that really upsets me about this one particular person is that she's called him.
Billy, I'm pretty sure, doesn't feel anything toward her now, but still they dated for a while.
I know I shouldn't be worried, but what if something happens?
I know I can't deal without him.
I just wish she would have never existed so I wouldn't have to worry about any of this.
She called about a month ago, right after Billy and I celebrated our 6 month anniversary.
First thing she asked him was, "Are you still with Devon?"
I'm pretty sure she was trying to get back with him because she doesn't seem like the type of person that would just call to see how he was doing.
The thing that upset me the most about all of this was that Billy waited a while before he told me that this had happened.
I'm one of those people that can forgive easily, but can't ever forget.
It's always these thoughts are always lurking the back of my mind where I keep things locked away.
The bad thing about when I lock things away, once one thing gets out I start to dwell on it and worry myself to death.
Last night was when that happened.
On our way back from Asheville we were talking about something and I asked him who he went to a concert with or something and he said Jen.
I don't know why but it bothers me SO MUCH.
Another thing that bothers me.. I've had so many firsts with Billy, I can't even begin to count how many... Yet he's had so few with me.
That shouldn't matter to me, but it really does and I don't know why.
I just wish I wouldn't feel jealous about all this cause it's ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure Billy feels nothing toward any of his ex's, but how can I be sure?
The only thing I can be sure about is how I feel.
I feel nothing for any of my ex's (except the few I reguard as best friends, nothing more) and have pretty much forgotten the relationships we had in the past.
It's as if Billy is my first REAL boyfriend, the only one I have ever truly loved.
I just don't know what to do.
I want proof that I'm the only girl he dreams of or thinks of.
This seems kind of ridiculous but I can't help but feel this way, it's just apart of my own insecurities.
I just don't want anything to happen because I don't know what I would do without Billy.
It's hard going a day without seeing him, and it's almost impossible for me to deal without talking to him for a day.
I love him with all my heart, he's the only one that's ever had all of my heart.
I just hope nothing happens between us, ever :(
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