today was a good and shitty day..., October 12, 2007, 11:55PM

today was a good and shitty day...

Current mood:crappy

ok i really don't know what happened but 2day was like a really bad rollercoaster ride w/ my emotions.  this morning i woke up all excited cuz i would get 2 go 4wheelin and stuff.. then i got a call sayin that the guy couldn't come.. so i was pissed off abt that.. so i asked my nanny if she'd come and pick me up and take me 2 my cousin's house and she did.. well i was over there 4 a while taking care of a 3 year old and a 1 year old and then the guy w/ the 4wheeler showed up *which happens 2 b the 3 year old's grandpa* and he left it @ her house for a while so i could ride it and he left.. well i was happy that i got 2 go 4wheelin.. but i still wished that it could have been @ my house.  so i was pretty much 4wheelin all afternoon until around 5.  well actually around 4 my lil brat of a cousin showed up (the 3 year old's sister) and said that i needed 2 get off "her" 4wheeler (which she always says that it is and it's not and if it hadn't been 4 me that 4wheeler would have been @ her house).  so i got pissed off about that cuz she started riding it and would get off.. so her mom finally told her 2 get off and go get in the shower and i got on it and drove up the mountain w/ my older cousin Stephanie.  this was the first time i actually got 2 go all the way up the mountain cuz i always had the 3 and 1 year olds w/ me..  so i went fast and scared the crap outta stephanie! which was so fun.. then after we had been up in the woods for about 20 minutes i guess we headed back down.  and we went back 2 my cousin's house and i parked the 4wheeler and everyone was gettin ready 2 leave.  well this was around 4:15.. and i was stayin there til 5 so i was gonna b stuck there all by myself w/ the 4wheeler (hehe).  well once almost everyone was gone my cousin kayla (the brat) came up 2 me after i got back on the 4wheeler 2 take it back up the mountain by myself and told me that i couldn't go fast on it.. well i got mad so i hit the gas hard and sped down her driveway.. pissin her off i kno cuz i drove over 2 my nanny's house and she called and told my nanny 2 tell me 2 drive slow and don't wreck her 4wheeler or she'd b mad...  just 2 let u kno abt Kayla.. she is a spoiled little brat that has 2 have her way.. she doesn't respect her mom whatsoever and she teaches her little 3 year old sister inappropriate things and i've just gotten 2 the point 2 where i can't b around her w/out her pissin me off 2 the point that i want 2 slap her and i have hit her b4 cuz she pissed me off so bad.  she's only 11 years old 2.  well after that i went over 2 my nanny's dropped my stuff off and then went back up the mountain by myself (which was really lonely and i didn't like it at all).  i went down this really old trail that hadn't been driven on in a long time and i almost ran into a tree that fell in the roadcuz the breaks were actin up (they're really hard 2 push in and my hands were alread sore).  so i had 2 try my hardest 2 move it out of the road but i never could.. i was gettin mad cuz i was almost 2 the end of the trail which was pretty big and there was no turn around places and there was no way i was going 2 back up the whole way out of there.. so i move a whole bunch of limbs and stuff and barely made it past the tree.. well i went on one more trail then it got 2 b around 5 so i headed back 2 my nanny's 2 park the 4wheeler and wait on my mom who was already there..  well after she picked me up she started bitchin at me cause i didn't ask her if i could go over 2 my cousin's house...  cuz i told her when my nanny got 2 my house.  then she bitched at me cuz i told her "sorry" and shit.  then when my dad got home he bitched me out abt not callin him at all and askin him if i could go somewhere or tellin him where i was going....  and then we went out 2 eat and then i told them i had 2 go 2 wal-mart and they told me no cuz they didn't feel like it and my dad yelled @ me in the car cuz i told him that i was goin (the only reason we didnt' go was cuz of him) and he yelled @ me.  it pisses me off cuz i say i'm going 2 do something and he yells @ me... i swear that man is so cruel.. he yells @ me 4 just abt everything and it's just gotten 2 the point where i don't say anything 2 him.  but i hate being touched and he is always touchin me (not in a bad way) and i slap him (not on the face) and he slaps me back (not on the face) and tells me not 2 slap him when he knows that i hate being touched!  then i got home and got on the computer...  then around 11 i got AIM and talked 2 my b/f for like a couple of minutes... which he wasn't really talking and then his friend started talkin 2 me and when he started talkin 2 me again his computer froze up he told me he'd get back on in a minute and he never did.  i kno it may not have been his fault but i can't help but think that he did it on purpose.  i've been hurt way 2 many times in the past and i just keep on thinkin that he's gonna do the exact same thing as all the people in the past.  i can't stand it when people promise me something and then never fulfill that promise.. it just breaks me inside.  so that's just about what happened 2day and that's why i feel so shitty.

sorry that it was a lot... but thanks 4 readin it all if u did cuz i really needed 2 vent.