And People Wonder Why I'm So Depressed All The Time
Current mood:
depressed
depressedOK, so... Today I'm going to TN, by myself.
Seems like lately NOTHING has went the way I wanted it to.
All starting with Thursday, my BIG day.
Graduation was on Thursday June 11th, probably the biggest day of my life so far.
You know how all your family is suppose to come, watch you walk across the stage, and meet you afterwards to congratulate you on your accomplishment?
Well some of my family showed up, only 4 others besides my mom and dad from what I saw.
And the shitty thing was they only stayed to see me walk, which wasn't that big of a deal.
After it was all over and I had gotten my diploma I walked out looking for my family to come and congratulate me.
First after I walked out of the double doors to the Auxillary Gym and saw Billy walking toward it searching for me.
I ran up to him and gave him a big hug then asked him if he saw my parents.
After we saw them I kept looking for my nanny, my aunt, my cousin, anybody.
I asked mom and dad where they were and mom said, "Oh they left to go eat."
It's a fucking funny thing to me that they will all stay to congratulate Jessica, but when I accomplish something great it's to hell with Devon.
I didn't see any of my dad's side of the family except Wyatt, but he graduated with me so of course he was there.
It just really upsets me that I am an outcast in my own family.
Sometimes I am really glad to be an only child, cause at least then I'm favored by some of my family, but that's only cause they have to favor me.
For once I actually want to feel WANTED, and for my family to actually want to be there for me, not because they have to but because they want to.
It seems to be that I don't fit in ANYWHERE.
I've never had that many friends, I'm always off by myself doing something instead of being with people (which is funny cause I hate being alone), I just always seem to be an afterthought with everything.
The only person that has actually made me feel wanted and accept is Billy.
He doesn't blow me off intentionally, make me feel bad about myself, or do anything to hurt me in anyway.
I don't feel weird because of the music I listen to, the things I do, or the things I like.
He's the only person I know of that comes even remotely close to be anything like the way I am.
Right now I don't know what I'd do without him, I don't have any real friends that I talk to anymore besides Brittany.
I can't talk about my problems to anyone but him cause everyone else either laughs about it or tries to turn it around on me and shove it down my throat.
Billy's not even always there for me all the time, like today for example, I was suppose to go to TN with him to get something for my dad for Father's Day but he can't go.
I have to go by myself because no one else can or will go with me, so I just give up. I'll go by myself and do whatever, by myself, the way it always is with me.
It just sucks that I don't really have anyone in my life that I can count on.
Well I think I've gotten everything out of my system for now, I just can't stop crying, but whatever.
Today is going to be a shitty day.
Seems like lately NOTHING has went the way I wanted it to.
All starting with Thursday, my BIG day.
Graduation was on Thursday June 11th, probably the biggest day of my life so far.
You know how all your family is suppose to come, watch you walk across the stage, and meet you afterwards to congratulate you on your accomplishment?
Well some of my family showed up, only 4 others besides my mom and dad from what I saw.
And the shitty thing was they only stayed to see me walk, which wasn't that big of a deal.
After it was all over and I had gotten my diploma I walked out looking for my family to come and congratulate me.
First after I walked out of the double doors to the Auxillary Gym and saw Billy walking toward it searching for me.
I ran up to him and gave him a big hug then asked him if he saw my parents.
After we saw them I kept looking for my nanny, my aunt, my cousin, anybody.
I asked mom and dad where they were and mom said, "Oh they left to go eat."
It's a fucking funny thing to me that they will all stay to congratulate Jessica, but when I accomplish something great it's to hell with Devon.
I didn't see any of my dad's side of the family except Wyatt, but he graduated with me so of course he was there.
It just really upsets me that I am an outcast in my own family.
Sometimes I am really glad to be an only child, cause at least then I'm favored by some of my family, but that's only cause they have to favor me.
For once I actually want to feel WANTED, and for my family to actually want to be there for me, not because they have to but because they want to.
It seems to be that I don't fit in ANYWHERE.
I've never had that many friends, I'm always off by myself doing something instead of being with people (which is funny cause I hate being alone), I just always seem to be an afterthought with everything.
The only person that has actually made me feel wanted and accept is Billy.
He doesn't blow me off intentionally, make me feel bad about myself, or do anything to hurt me in anyway.
I don't feel weird because of the music I listen to, the things I do, or the things I like.
He's the only person I know of that comes even remotely close to be anything like the way I am.
Right now I don't know what I'd do without him, I don't have any real friends that I talk to anymore besides Brittany.
I can't talk about my problems to anyone but him cause everyone else either laughs about it or tries to turn it around on me and shove it down my throat.
Billy's not even always there for me all the time, like today for example, I was suppose to go to TN with him to get something for my dad for Father's Day but he can't go.
I have to go by myself because no one else can or will go with me, so I just give up. I'll go by myself and do whatever, by myself, the way it always is with me.
It just sucks that I don't really have anyone in my life that I can count on.
Well I think I've gotten everything out of my system for now, I just can't stop crying, but whatever.
Today is going to be a shitty day.
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